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Jeff Balinski: Here we go! New season of the Real World. Sadly that means we have to wade through that awful first episode where nothing happens and everybody awkwardly gets used to each other. Originally I was going to be ambitious and fully break down the first episode. But I couldn’t bring myself to rewatch it. So I think I’m going to make a few pro/con lists I noticed from the 1st 2 episodes to get the “readers” up to speed before episode 3 on Wednesday.
First. We Meet the cast:
Robb (21, Bensalem, PA):
Pro- Bensalem is home to PARX casino (the closest one to my home)
Con- two “b”s
Con- He’s a ginger
Pro- He has a dog named Ginger
Con- Has “Hakuna Matata” tattoo on his leg
Pro- Brings alcohol to the house (assist to Marie)
Con- Peanut butter idea? (Whats worse is nobody else just says it’s a dumb idea)
Marie (23, Staten Island, NY):
Pro- She’s from Staten Island
Con- She’s from Staten Island
Pro- Swears in front of family members
Pro- Has “Hakuna Matata” tattoo on her ass
Pro- Drunk upon arrival at the house
Pro- Packs suitcase with beer
Pro- Doesn’t care people think she took the shit
La Toya (22, Petersburg, VA):
Con- Doubts she’ll bring boys home
Trey (22, Baltimore, MD)
Pro- That is where The Wire takes place
Pro- doesn’t know where the Virgin Islands are
Pro- Excellent guy rating scale
Pro- Wants to out-swift Swift
Brandon (24, Boston, MA):
Pro- “St. Tawmas”
Pro- You can have sex with his ear lobes
Con- Falls in love instantly
Pro/Con- Drunken mess
Con- Gets naked first (nobody joins)
Pro/Con- Being a total asshole while naked in the hot tub
Con- “I WANT TO DIE”
Brandon (22,Edison, NJ) (Yes, there’s two. but this one is black and likes to be called Swift-I think we can tell them apart):
Pro- People seriously call him “Swift” or “Swifty”
Con- Cannot have sex with his ear lobes (I think)
Con- Too eager to tell people he’s in recovery
Pro- Excellent girl rating scale
Laura (23, Omaha, NE):
Pro- First look=8
Con- Immediate second look in the confessional=4
Con- Worst thing her friends do is smoke a cigarette
Con- Doesn’t want to hook up with roommates (spoiler alert: she’s a liar)
Con- What a tease
Pro- Leaves a shit in the toilet
The House (On its own island):
Con- Tough to get people to come back
Pro- Once they’re in, it’s hard to leave
Pro- Hot Tub
Pro- What appears to be sex hammocks
Mike Aurigemma: Jeff, I like how you broke everything down and we can already get a feel for who might be the ones creating drama throughout the show.
The storyline that seems to be pushed right now is the developing relationship between Trey and Laura. That will definitely implode numerous times throughout this season and it is clear that Trey is entertaining the idea, but really does not want to go that route.
Brandon from Boston definitely seems to be the guy who will have a ton of problems throughout this show. I also like how you said “St. Thawmas” is a pro. I thought for sure that would go in your con lists.
It has only been a couple of episodes so far in this season so there is still time for the other Brandon, Latoya, Marie or Robb to really spice up the show.
One of the main things that I see wrong with this season is the location. I think that is one of the most important elements of this show an they might have really swung and missed with this. I mean the fact that it is so far away from the places they go out is brutal. Just takes away from those stumbling home walks where arguments always happen and it will be tougher for people to leave separately.
How do you think the location will impact the show from here on out? I just can’t see many pros for that as of now.
JB: The location is definitely unique, but not completely unlike other houses. Brooklyn was on the water in Red Hook that is not within walking distance of any bars. Hollywood seemed to be on the back lot of some studio and San Diego required cabs everywhere as well. The big difference is the water, but I think it also has its advantages.
– The “we have our own island” line I think will carry a lot of weight when trying to bring girls back to the house. Brandon’s fatal flaw was not highlighting this to Alyssa.
– It also creates a large opportunity both for hook ups and awkward sleepovers due to lack of transportation (though I’m sure the producers have a water taxi on retainer, let’s try to not break the fourth wall).
– Plus the island itself is going to have a lot of tourists looking for a good time, just trying to hook up. I think it’s going to work out well.
I like it as a twist, but can see how it could get in the way. Let’s see how it plays out. My guess, it won’t be a factor. This isn’t LOST.
My biggest issue with this season isn’t the house, it’s the people living inside. The worst part about this cast is it makes me miss the San Diego cast, and they were awful. They’re missing the fuck around guy (i.e. Nate from San Diego or Isaac from Sydney). Brandon is too dark (not being racist, I’m talking about ear lobes), Robb has 2 b’s and is a ginger, Trey just seems
so bland, and Swift isn’t bringing much to the table either other than hitting on the guys more than the girls with things like “I’m vibing with you” (to Brandon) or “nah you good dawg” (in reference to Trey’s body).
The lack of personality makes me feel like this season is nothing more than a farm league for the challenge. Look at the body types of Trey and Swift and even Ginger, they’re in great shape, perfect specimens for climbing mountains in Iceland. Check out the arm on Laura, or Marie’s body. These people were hand chosen with one thing in mind – The Challenge. Sadly, we’re going to watch regardless and hope something stupid happens, it always does.
Hopefully their job will bring some excitement to the show. I haven’t put much thought into it, but I have a strong suspicion they’re going to be tour guides. What other options are there? Waiting tables at Senor Frogs? Thoughts?
JB: Not sure, but if somebody doesn’t have sex soon, we might be in for a bit of a dry spell with this cast. I really want them to give us something to work with. But to humor you, I’m thinking Laura will try to hookup with Trey, get rejected, and fall back on Brandon resulting in his heart exploding from love and attention that he’s dying for.
I am thinking we will see something happen with the Robb and Marie relationship. I mean eventually that will start to heat up and one of them will have strong feelings for the other. I am hoping that is not the next storyline, but we will have to see what happens this week on The Real World.