Yes, we took a week off. But, don’t you worry, we’re back in full force with another dose of weekly MLB Power Rankings!
This week, we’re putting a spin on the article. Instead of giving each team a paragraph for their pros and cons from the week before, we’re going to do something a little different. This time, each team will get just one sentence. However, this one sentence will be from the perspective of a random fan before the season who’s trying to impress his buddy with sports knowledge, but says something totally unbelievable that no true fan of that team would’ve thought was possible.
This Week: @ San Francisco (3), vs. NY Mets (3)
Who needs Ryan Zimmerman when we have Adam LaRoche in the middle of our line-up? That dude’s got pop!
2. Cincinnati Reds (-1, 69-46, 1st in NL Central)
This Week: vs. NY Mets (3), vs. Chicago Cubs (4)
I’m serious, we’re not just going to be fine without Joey Votto. We’re going to be better than we were with him! I swear!
3. Texas Rangers (+1, 67-46, 1st in AL West)
This Week: @ NY Yankees (4), @ Toronto (3)
C.J. Wilson? Yu Darvish? Forget it, Matt Harrison is going to lead the staff! We’ll be fine!
4. New York Yankees (-1, 67-47, 1st in AL East)
This Week: vs. Texas (4), vs. Boston (3)
Who needs Mariano Rivera when we have Rafael Soriano? Not gonna miss that guy one bit!
5. Atlanta Braves (+0, 66-48, 2nd in NL East)
This Week: vs. San Diego (4), vs. LA Dodgers (3)Just when Mets fans thought the dark days of the Chipper Jones era was over, we’re gonna spring Freddie Freeman on them! They won’t see it coming! (OK, probably saw that coming. Just needed another avenue to express how depressed I am that the Braves found another Met killer. Maybe one day…)
This Week: vs. LA Dodgers (4), @ St. Louis (3)
Best trade of the off-season? Duh! We got A.J. Burnett! We’ll win 85% of the time he starts! (Seriously, how the hell are the Pirates 17-3 in games started by Burnett…)
7. San Francisco Giants (+0, 63-52, 1st in NL West)
This Week: vs. Washington (3), @ San Diego (3)
Of course we have both an MVP and Cy Young candidate! What else would you call Melky Cabrera and Ryan Vogelsong?!
8. Tampa Bay Rays (+6, 62-52, 2nd in AL East)
This Week: @ Seattle (3), @ LA Angels (4)
Seriously guys, don’t worry about the bullpen. Fernando Rodney’s got this.
9. Chicago White Sox (-1, 62-51, 1st in AL Central)
This Week: @ Toronto (4), @ Kansas City (3)
Power? We got plenty of power. No, no, fool. Not Adam Dunn and Paul Konerko. A.J. Pierzynski! MVP! MVP!
This Week: vs. Boston (3), @ Detroit (3)
That second Wild Card spot? Totally ours. Just wait for Manny Machado! He’ll put Bryce Harper to shame!
11. St. Louis Cardinals (+2, 62-53, 3rd in NL Central)
This Week: vs. Arizona (3), vs. Pittsburgh (3)
Dude, I’m calling it now, but Kyle Lohse is going to be the biggest snub from the All-Star team. Just you wait.
12. Los Angeles Dodgers (-3, 62-53, 2nd in NL West)
This Week: @ Pittsburgh (4), @ Atlanta (3)
I’m tired of these ownership problems. Why doesn’t Magic just buy the team so we can spend on the talent we really need.
13. Detroit Tigers (-1, 61-54, 2nd in AL Central)
This Week: @ Minnesota (3), vs. Baltimore (3)
Miguel Cabrera, Justin Verlander and Prince Fielder are nice, but this is Austin Jackson’s team!
This Week: @ Kansas City (3), vs. Cleveland (3)
Yoenis Cespedes is going to be the single most important player to his team in all of baseball. Seriously!
15. Los Angeles Angels (-3, 60-55, 3rd in AL West)
This Week: vs. Cleveland (3), vs. Tampa Bay (4)
I don’t know you guys. I think we overpaid for Pujols, especially since we already have Trout, Trumbo and Torii…
16. Arizona Diamondbacks (+0, 58-57, 3rd in NL West)
This Week: @ St. Louis (3), @ Houston (3)
Justin Upton needs to go. We can do better without him!
17. Boston Red Sox (+1, 57-59, 4th in AL East)
This Week: @ Baltimore (3), @ NY Yankees (3)
Whatever we get from Adrian Gonzalez is just a bonus, but we’ll be fine if we just play Cody Ross and Will Middlebrooks more often!
18. Toronto Blue Jays (-1, 54-60, 5th in AL East)
This Week: vs. Chicago White Sox (4), vs. Texas (3)
Joey Bats is nice, but just you wait until Edwin Encarnacion kicks it into gear!
This Week: @ Cincinnati (3), @ Washington (3)
Alright, guys. For real. R.A. Dickey, 2012 NL Cy Young. Mark it down.
20. Cleveland Indians (-1, 53-62, 3rd in AL Central)
This Week: @ LA Angels (3), @ Oakland (3)
The Grady Sizemore era was cool and all, but thank god Michael Brantley is here to take over!
21. Milwaukee Brewers (+2, 52-61, 4th in NL Central)
This Week: @ Colorado (3), vs. Philadelphia (4)
Mike Fiers is the best damn pitcher we got, what are we waiting for?!
22. Seattle Mariners (-1, 53-63, 4th in AL West)
This Week: vs. Tampa Bay (3), vs. Minnesota (3)
I think its time we move on from Ichiro, you know?
23. Philadelphia Phillies (+1, 52-62, 4th in NL East)
This Week: @ Miami (3), @ Milwaukee (4)
I get that we are returning all our major pieces from last year and added Papelbon to our bullpen, but this really just doesn’t feel like our year.
24. Miami Marlins (-2, 52-63, 5th in NL East)
This Week: vs. Philadelphia (3), @ Colorado (4)
There’s no way this team can keep Hanley Ramirez, Anibal Sanchez and Omar Infante. No way! What I would do for this team to flip Heath Bell and John Buck for Jason Bay right now…
25. San Diego Padres (+2, 51-65, 4th in NL West)
This Week: @ Atlanta (4), vs. San Francisco (3)
I know we’re going to struggle this year, but why trade away any of our pieces for the future when we can do this entire thing next year for largely the exact same product?
This Week: vs. Oakland (3), vs. Chicago White Sox (3)
I totally see Jonathan Sanchez grabbing us a Cy Young at some point in his career! We’ll be fine without Melky Cabrera, he only had that one good season anyway!
27. Minnesota Twins (-2, 49-65, 5th in AL Central)
This Week: vs. Detroit (3), @ Seattle (3)
This is gonna be Ben Revere’s year!
28. Chicago Cubs (-2, 44-69, 5th in NL Central)
This Week: vs. Houston (3), @ Cincinnati (4)
Yeah…I got nothing.
29. Colorado Rockies (+0, 41-71, 5th in NL West)
This Week: vs. Milwaukee (3), vs. Miami (4)
I’m telling you, Troy Tulowitzki is just not that important to this team! We’ll be fine if we lose him for an extended period of time!
30. Houston Astros (+0, 38-78, 6th in NL Central)
This Week: @ Chicago Cubs (3), vs. Arizona (3)
No matter what happens this year, there is no way we can trade Jed Lowrie!