Jim Harbaugh stole my money, and I want it back

Last night, minding my own business in as a floor director of an 11p.m. newscast in Savannah, GA, something happened to me. Something that was both unfamiliar, uncomfortable and rather improbable.

I do like to consider myself a fan of the San Francisco 49ers. I will admit that my relationship with football has been an odd one throughout my life. Until my recent binge into the world of fantasy football and gambling, I really had few opinions about the league and considered myself a passive fan. Now, I’m deep into the mess. And my team has been and will be the San Francisco 49ers.

This year, I got into the Pick ‘Em league with a partner-in-crime (Jim O’Donnell) to help even out the financial investment and to throw in another voice in the games. Needless to say, we haven’t been doing too well thus far this season, but we have some hope.

Last night’s line for the 49ers/Seahawks game was -7.5 San Francisco, who was playing host on a Thursday night showcase. Everybody knew this would be a defensive slugfest, considering both teams have dominant defenses and offenses that bring the word “meh” to mind. 7.5 is a lot of points when you have two of the best defensive units going up against each other. But, I knew that the 49ers would win the game, with or without covering the spread, and that the Niners would play pissed after getting embarrassed by the Giants on Sunday.

The game basically played out as expected. Both defenses held the offenses in check, and after falling behind early, San Francisco put together a solid comeback despite an Alex Smith interception near the goal line.  David Akers kicked a field goal in the 4th quarter to make it 13-6, but the offense stalled on the next drive and got ready to punt the ball away.  All-world punter Andy Lee bombed a 66-yarder and pinned the Seahawks on their own 11 yard line with about 90 seconds to play. This was their last chance to drive the field and tie the game. Fast forward to 4th and 17, 43 seconds left and Seattle now on the 4. To say I had any hope of the Niners getting a safety and somehow miraculously covering the spread at the last minute, that would be an overstatement. I still felt as if the odds were better for Russell Wilson to bomb a ball downfield and somehow tie this game up than San Fran getting the safety. So, I resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to cover the spread in this one, and tried to enjoy the fact that my team was about to improve to 5-2 on the season.

Mind you I am haphazardly following the game on my not-so-smart phone, so the ESPN Gamecast on the pieceofcrap was sketchy at best. As I’m about to call it quits on following the game somewhere between the B-block and weather, something happened.

Something amazing happened, actually.

Apparently, according to the ESPN app, the Seahawks had committed a chop block penalty in the endzone, resulting in a safety and a 15-6 49ers lead. In other words, Greg Kaplan was about to cover his spread. I literally jumped for joy during a commercial break. I got a couple looks from the anchors and the weather guy, but hey! I did not care at all! I WAS GOING TO COVER!!!

As quickly as I said “covered”, my phone updated. The two points were magically…gone. This isn’t uncommon. My phone is dumb enough that it likes to travel back in time and pretend like things didn’t just happen. For example, before the safety, my phone was telling me the score was still 6-3 Seattle and we were stuck in the longest halftime break in history. So, I wasn’t too worried. To settle my fears, I ducked out of the studio to check the sports desk TV.

I mosey my way over, flip to channel 406 for the NFL Network, wait for the score to pop up. And there it is, to calm all my fears, the score is just as I thou–

San Francisco 13, Seattle 6.

What the hell is this? Did…did Jim Harbaugh…no. He couldn’t have. That’s outrageous. Something’s wrong. They couldn’t have declined the penalty to take the ball at the 7 and take a knee to end the game, right? I mean, the two points ice the game, gives the 49ers a 9-point lead and gives them the ball back to knee the game out.

Nope. Not meant to be. Harbaugh declined the penalty. He took the ball and the win. Even though, you know, he would’ve had the win anyway. He took the points off the board, took the ball, took a knee and won the game.

What. A selfish. Bastard.

All he had to do was take the safety! Take the points, Jim! You win, I win, WE WIN TOGETHER!

I actually don’t have any real analysis over this game yet. My heart is still broken. Never in my life have I been more upset about my team winning a game against a divisional rival to take control of first place. It actually felt like they lost. I don’t know how else to explain it.

Jim Harbaugh stole my money. I want it back.

Somebody make this happen for me.

One thought on “Jim Harbaugh stole my money, and I want it back

  1. technically not an automatic win if they take the safety…if the 49ers punt returner muffs the punt and Seattle recovers, there’s a chance SF loses (albeit very very slim). By declining the penalty, the 49ers 100% win the game with 2 kneeldowns and no chance of losing the ball

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